I was introduced to Anne Petterøe in 2009 by a fellow Enterprise Irregular (EI) who asked me if I might be able to help her find a place to stay for SXSW here in Austin.  I had already been following Anne on Twitter, but definitely didn’t know her at all.  But, because she hailed from one of my daughters’ favorite countries in the world, and because I felt I could trust a friend’s referral, I invited her to stay on my couch for the festival.

I chose to write about Anne for Ada Lovelace Day because I love how Anne combines all that is great about being female with all that is great about being a geek.  Because the tech industry is still so heavily male-dominated, I want to encourage women to express their femininity.  Why is it weird to code 100 lines in ABAP by day and club by night in 5-inch Louboutin shoes?  It shouldn’t be.

Anne is so much more than the sum of her good looks and impeccable fashion taste.  She’s an SAP Mentor; she rallied a revolution against Facebook (and won), her tweets often look like this, and she’s a “man among equals” at any geekfest.

I’ve since joined Anne here on the Technically Women blog and now consider her a friend.  She once confided to our @tech_women group, “Being ‘the hottie’ you either have the guys’ attention for all the wrong reasons, or they just think you are as stupid as you look.  Both cases makes you work twice as hard as everyone else to prove that you actually know your stuff.”  I’d love to see more women competing in tech and celebrating their femininity.  It’s not an either/or; it’s an and.  And all geeks work really hard, so let’s stop making women do double time to prove they belong in the club.

I was a stay-at-home Mom for five years after the dotcom crash. I would have never returned to work had I not gotten divorced. I had retired from professional life. So, imagine my surprise when I was forced back into the workforce clueless and disconnected. No exaggeration: I did not know what a BlackBerry was or that the Wall Street Journal had color on the front page. I spent all of my waking hours tending to my children and family, far removed from the rigors of the professional world.

I started blogging in January 2006, four months before my divorce was final. I floundered around a bit looking for a logical place to settle in the market. I ultimately was drawn to the Enterprise 2.0 sector and began a deliberate focus to track the sector and make new connections.

Because I was paying attention, I saw buzz brewing over a new conference in the works called, “Office 2.0.” When I looked at the scheduled speaker list, one interesting factoid jumped off the page: there were over 50 men and 0 women on the agenda. So, without hesitation, I asked a connection to put me in touch with the conference organizer and I pitched getting me into a speaker slot. Two emails later, voila, there I was, the only woman on a high-profile Silicon Valley conference event with 53 men. You can see this called out on Techmeme when a bristling blogstorm blew up surrounding the fact that this conference was so shamelessly unbalanced, and perhaps, misogynistic.

In truth, I didn’t assert myself because I felt slighted as a woman. Honestly? I saw the imbalance as opportunity, leverage. I jumped at the chance to get visibility at such a prestigious event. In hindsight, I realize that single event turned the tables for me. Soon after, I was inducted (as the first female) to the Enterprise Irregulars‘ blogging troupe, and I continued to scrape and claw my way to the little top I now occupy, secure in my own business at SoCo Partners focused on Enterprise 2.0.

Why am I telling this story? Because getting industry visibility matters for men and women. Had I not been afforded that opportunity, who knows when or if I would experience the same industry recognition I have today. (Not boasting here, the e20 crowd is fairly small and insular.) But also to shine a spotlight on this as an issue that has been around for a long while, and seemingly will continue to frustrate us until women are seamlessly woven into every speaker agenda, not deliberately, but as a matter of filling the agenda with competent professionals who just happen to represent both genders.

I don’t personally believe there is a conspiracy against women or a preference for men in technology conference planning. This brings me to the other side of this debate. I am a conference planner. I went on to plan the subsequent two Office 2.0 Conferences, as well as am now on the advisory board for the Enterprise 2.0 conference. I am currently in discussions with Björn Negelmann to join the board of the Enterprise 2.0 SUMMIT, held in Germany where there is not a single woman on the board.

I can assure you, when the planning boards convene to review speaker selections, we are gender blind. We are looking for the best content; the best individuals to fill the agenda. At various times (when it even occurs to me), I myself may bring up the gender issue as I’m sensitive to it. Immediately, my board colleagues respond, “Oh yes, of course, we need more women!” But this process always bothers me, as if women are a special needs category- the Section 8(a) of tech conference planning.

My advice to women who want to be heard: speak up. Let us know who you are. We recruited one woman, Sara Bocaneanu, all the way from Romania because she sent us a video of her speaking at a tech conference in eastern Europe. You’re not going to get preferential treatment if you’re a woman; you’ll get preferential treatment if you’re a better choice than the person we had in that seat last year.

Finally, on speaking in general. I abhor speaking. I simply avoid doing it at all costs. I even turned down an all expenses paid gig to speak outside of Milan, Italy last year at an Enterprise 2.0 conference. So, as a few of us technicallywomen were chatting behind the scenes, it’s not that we’re being discriminated against… some of us are choosing not to speak. Me? I like hangin’ around backstage with the band. It’s where I aspire to be, and I’ve earned the privilege to be there by speaking up and creating my own destiny.

Over the past week, I was planning on dropping out of this blog startup, as the work is starting to pile up in Enterprise 2.0 land. But over the weekend, I had this short conversation with a young woman looking for a summer job:

Me: “Why don’t you apply at Best Buy?”

Young Woman: “No. At Best Buy you have to know things. I want a girl job.”

Me: “WHATTTT?”

Young Woman: “At Best Buy you need to know how things work; I want a girl job, like a clothes store or a restaurant job.”

I won’t burden you with the impassioned lecture that ensued from there. In that moment, however, I realized I have to contribute to this blog. It’s simply amazing to me that the same stereotypes I grew up with are still present among the Millennial generation here in the USA. Around the world, it’s far worse. I listened recently to a debate on CNN whether feminism was obsolete. So did Peggy Drexler, apparently. In this excellent post on HuffPo, she points out that the women in Iran are fighting and dying for basic freedoms– a far cry from equal pay and promotion.

I probably won’t blog here on industry issues. I will use this platform to share my experiences and opinions related to women working in a predominantly male industry. My greatest hope is I may be able to bring some relevance and wisdom to a particular situation women may be facing in their careers or personal lives.

So, thank you Dennis for the inspiration for this blog and the privilege to write with a pack of smart, techno-savvy female bloggers. I look forward to making my contribution.

Image courtesy of misterbenderthomson