I was a stay-at-home Mom for five years after the dotcom crash. I would have never returned to work had I not gotten divorced. I had retired from professional life. So, imagine my surprise when I was forced back into the workforce clueless and disconnected. No exaggeration: I did not know what a BlackBerry was or that the Wall Street Journal had color on the front page. I spent all of my waking hours tending to my children and family, far removed from the rigors of the professional world.

I started blogging in January 2006, four months before my divorce was final. I floundered around a bit looking for a logical place to settle in the market. I ultimately was drawn to the Enterprise 2.0 sector and began a deliberate focus to track the sector and make new connections.

Because I was paying attention, I saw buzz brewing over a new conference in the works called, “Office 2.0.” When I looked at the scheduled speaker list, one interesting factoid jumped off the page: there were over 50 men and 0 women on the agenda. So, without hesitation, I asked a connection to put me in touch with the conference organizer and I pitched getting me into a speaker slot. Two emails later, voila, there I was, the only woman on a high-profile Silicon Valley conference event with 53 men. You can see this called out on Techmeme when a bristling blogstorm blew up surrounding the fact that this conference was so shamelessly unbalanced, and perhaps, misogynistic.

In truth, I didn’t assert myself because I felt slighted as a woman. Honestly? I saw the imbalance as opportunity, leverage. I jumped at the chance to get visibility at such a prestigious event. In hindsight, I realize that single event turned the tables for me. Soon after, I was inducted (as the first female) to the Enterprise Irregulars‘ blogging troupe, and I continued to scrape and claw my way to the little top I now occupy, secure in my own business at SoCo Partners focused on Enterprise 2.0.

Why am I telling this story? Because getting industry visibility matters for men and women. Had I not been afforded that opportunity, who knows when or if I would experience the same industry recognition I have today. (Not boasting here, the e20 crowd is fairly small and insular.) But also to shine a spotlight on this as an issue that has been around for a long while, and seemingly will continue to frustrate us until women are seamlessly woven into every speaker agenda, not deliberately, but as a matter of filling the agenda with competent professionals who just happen to represent both genders.

I don’t personally believe there is a conspiracy against women or a preference for men in technology conference planning. This brings me to the other side of this debate. I am a conference planner. I went on to plan the subsequent two Office 2.0 Conferences, as well as am now on the advisory board for the Enterprise 2.0 conference. I am currently in discussions with Björn Negelmann to join the board of the Enterprise 2.0 SUMMIT, held in Germany where there is not a single woman on the board.

I can assure you, when the planning boards convene to review speaker selections, we are gender blind. We are looking for the best content; the best individuals to fill the agenda. At various times (when it even occurs to me), I myself may bring up the gender issue as I’m sensitive to it. Immediately, my board colleagues respond, “Oh yes, of course, we need more women!” But this process always bothers me, as if women are a special needs category- the Section 8(a) of tech conference planning.

My advice to women who want to be heard: speak up. Let us know who you are. We recruited one woman, Sara Bocaneanu, all the way from Romania because she sent us a video of her speaking at a tech conference in eastern Europe. You’re not going to get preferential treatment if you’re a woman; you’ll get preferential treatment if you’re a better choice than the person we had in that seat last year.

Finally, on speaking in general. I abhor speaking. I simply avoid doing it at all costs. I even turned down an all expenses paid gig to speak outside of Milan, Italy last year at an Enterprise 2.0 conference. So, as a few of us technicallywomen were chatting behind the scenes, it’s not that we’re being discriminated against… some of us are choosing not to speak. Me? I like hangin’ around backstage with the band. It’s where I aspire to be, and I’ve earned the privilege to be there by speaking up and creating my own destiny.